Heated Rivalry Episode 2 Deep Dive

Episode 2: Olympians

We start off with these fabulous parallel shots of them over the summer, so far apart but still mirroring each other.

And most of the shots in this montage are repeated, showing them getting more attached to their phones doing all these activities. Both of them waiting for the next text constantly.

They left on such a hostile note but they already like each other so much it doesn't even matter. I mean look at them, giggling it up.

The montages in this show are so good at giving us these little snippets of these character that mean so much. Shane just scored a goal in a game against Ilya and all he can do is trail after him, dead armed while gazing at him. ILYA, GET UP!!!

And it's the same for Shane, looking for Ilya wherever he can. They are currently playing against each other, and Shane is still trying to sneak a glance while they're both on the bench. SHANE, GET UP!!!

I love that this is just Ilya telling Shane what he wants. When they exchanged numbers in the first episode, Ilya immediately assumes that there will be a next time and that Shane also wants to fuck. And he does but he just can't let himself admit that. So he avoids Ilya's very forward texts about it.

Ilya texting Shane like this, throwing himself at Shane, he's laying out for him that he wants this. And Shane trying to pretend like he doesn't, isn't gonna stop Ilya from wanting it.

Oh my god, Ilya is so down bad, it's crazy. CHILL BRO!

Look at him, watching Ilya's game and texting him afterwards. These two bitches are already so wound up about each other, it is insane to me that they, at any point, thought this was casual.

They just like each other so much already. 

Again, I think Ilya can see through Shane like no one else can. He's being relentless because he knows that Shane being shifty about this isn't rejection, it's Shane trying to convince himself it's something he can go without, something he can stop himself from wanting.

"If Rozanov fucks you tonight, I'm gonna fuck him back!"

I love this little moment here, Shane's nervous lil eyes darting around trying to figure out, How the fuck did you know that was my plan for tonight??

All jokes aside, in this moment, Shane's biggest nightmare has come true. Somehow, his team have found out, not only that he's gay, but that he wants Ilya, that he wants in that way at all.

I don't care what anyone says, Shane is funny. And I like the banter that he has with Hayden.

I appreciate this scene establishing that Shane has grown closer to his team mates. He has easy conversation with most of the people we see in this scene. Despite being called "not the most sociable" in his rookie year, he's obviously grown close to them enough to captain them.

Ilya Rozanov you are a bold man. 

I like how Shane typing and retyping shows how he's reacting in these moments where he can't do it out loud. We see it more later on, but it's just a great way for us to be inside his head during these very secretive, internal moments.

Ilya is holding onto every word from Shane. They are about to play against each other and this man is head down, waiting for a text from a man that he's meant to be casual about. Yeah right.

Again, I like the camaraderie these boys have.

All I can think about though, during these shots switching between Ilya's locker room and Shane's, is that it's showing us what these characters could lose. Yes, these guys have good fun ribbing each other, but Shane and Ilya's anxiety around being outed doesn't come from nowhere. This light friendship could very easily switch to heavy loathing.

A lot of people view Shane as the more docile or tame one, but he is a bitch. And he has a potty mouth too. He will cuss you out and say fuck you for texting him, even though he texted Ilya back.

"You missed me, didn't you?"

Ilya says this as a joke, but I think he's using that to say how he really feels. He's spent the last 2 years trying to get this guy to meet up and fuck, and he's finally getting it. But more than anything, he's missed Shane, and that can't be replaced by fucking someone else.

They are so competitive, god damn. And they are so fond of each other, it MAKES ME SICKKK.

I love their little matching feet here, idk it's cute. This whole episode (We're 8 minutes in lol), all I can think is I can't believe either of them thought this was casual!

This is also another scene where I can see Shane's pre-planned scripting kicking in. It's this awkward in-between moment, halfway between letting Ilya into his apartment and actually getting to the fucking, and all Shane's thinking is, How do I get from Point A to Point B?? What am I supposed to say? And then Ilya says "wow, nice place" and Shane's like, I know what I'm meant to say now, and immediately starts talking about his real estate plans. 

"You asked." "No I didn't."

And with that, Ilya cuts out this thing that Shane uses to hide from people, he stops it there, looking in Shane's eyes and saying, I know what you are, I know what this is, and most importantly, I know you're nervousssss.

But because he can see what Shane wants, he has since the beginning, he gives it to him easily. And then he cracks a joke to snap Shane out of his nervousness. He offers himself up on a silver platter, "Where do you want me?", showing Shane that they both want this just a much as the other.

They are so open with each other in this scene. Yeah it's just little digs at each other about superficial bullshit, the pillows, Ilya smoking, but it's still so light and easy. They like each other.

"You come here." "No, you come here."

Are you KIDDING ME, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! BOTH OF YOUUUU.

They're practically eating each other this whole scene (Ilya especially, lol).

I love how this scene is shot. Even though it's meant to be "just" sex between these two, this scene is shot so intimately. It's all these close up shots of them with their faces inches from each other. And there's this soft light behind them so they're kinda shrouded in darkness. 

Ilya's constant "Still ok?" is so endearing, I love him so much.

Also, there's this one moment where Ilya asks Shane again, if it's still ok, and Shane kinda just scoffs and doesn't answer him. What he does do, is say "Jesus Christ" and push back into him. This is one of the first times we see Shane want something and take it. He wants it so bad and Ilya is right there and he's waiting, to what? Ask if Shane still wants it? And Shane's just like, Isn't it obvious?? Have I not shown you my deepest secret by telling you I want this??

Shane in his cozy lil hoodie, cuddling Ilya's jacket in his lap. I'M SICK, I'M SICK HE'S JUST A BABY!

Oh God, they're talking about Russia again. Shane's all oblivious about what he's bringing up for Ilya and Ilya's acting as if his family is fun to talk about. 

"Dreaming of what? Bronze medal?" "You fuckin' wish dude." 

They like each other so much, I can't take it.

This is casual to them? This?? Ok. Sure. Whatever.

"What an embarrassing end to a promising year for the Russian men's hockey team. A hard pill to swallow on home ice and especially for young phenom, Ilya Rozanov."

Man in the Crease nameless Podcast Hosts I hope you die!

What a punch in the face for him the moment he's back in Russia. If being berated by your father and brother isn't enough, now strangers are basically calling you a national disappointment. 

Shane and his Blackberry Classic and his wired headphones and his Canada fleece, regretting texting his casual hook up to ask if he's doing ok while they're both in Homophobic Russia. 

"You'll look great in silver Vaughny, don't even stress."

Once again, Shane is funny and he's a bitch and I love him. 

Carter has no idea he's sat at the gay boys table.

This tiny 58 seconds scene of just dialogue between these characters is so good at showing a lot with a little. 

This is what it tells us:

1. Carter has never (knowingly) been around a gay person ever, cause why the fuck does he talk about gay people like we are a breed of rare parrot.
2. Shane has no gaydar. Shane is so repressed and spends so much of his time avoiding gayness, that when Carter suggests that his figure skating friend is gay, he is genuinely taken aback. 
3. Scott is gay. 
4. Shane has no idea Scott is gay. The moment anything gay is brought up, both these guys are fidgeting and have there eyes down. They're both giving off the strongest don't notice me energy immediately.
5. Shane is back to worrying about Ilya, this time with a slightly different gaze. What if my stupid text put him in danger?

He's never looked more emo ever.

Also when Shane sees him up there, he gets up from his seat so fast that you hear it hit the back of the seat. CHILL BRO!

It cuts to Ilya again, and he immediately gets a text from his brother. It's like everything that is a negative trigger for Ilya is happening all at once and then here comes Shane going "Hey ☺️🙂" 

Shane is so unguarded in this scene. He's so used to Ilya, despite always teasing him, being nice to him. Even though Ilya makes jokes and showboats, he always humours Shane and sincerely answers all his obtuse questions.

Which I think is why Shane is so hurt by Ilya giving him the cold shoulder. To Shane, who Ilya has only ever been lovely to, this isn't just Ilya being indifferent, but being mean. He knows they can't be seen together, he knows that Russia is not the place to do this, he knows he shouldn't go see Ilya, but he's just trying to be nice. They've shared this secret with each other, the only time Shane can be himself is with Ilya, and now he's denying Shane the relief of dropping that mask. So yeah, what the fuck Ilya??

Oh my god, Ilya's dad is such a fucking asshole in this scene. This is also a great little snippet of the specific way he chooses to punish Ilya for what he deems as failures.

Everything Ilya does, each decision he makes in this scene, is the wrong one, according to his father.

This scene opens with Grigori pouring them both a drink and handing Ilya's to him. The moment Ilya drinks it, his father reprimands him for it. Ilya says he would be honoured to meet the minister, Grigori tells him he should be, as if he isn't worth the ministers time. Especially after loosing to Latvia, as if he, alone, could have won the game, as if he decided to loose. He asks "How are you not ashamed?" And when Ilya says he is, he says "Not nearly enough." As if Ilya should, I don't know, dig his own grave and lay in it, for deciding to be such a failure.

Ilya's blank face during this whole thing is so sad. That's not something you just do. You learn how to keep your face as neutral as possible, even when someone you love is berating you. That is something you learn to do.

Even when he pushes back against his father, his voice is monotone and his face is neutral. He gives nothing to his father to use against him.

And then, when Grigori stops, looks down to Ilya's bowtie and takes a half step forward to fix it, Ilya has this little moment of confusion. Hesitation. He has no idea what his father's going to do next. And he does this thing where he squares his shoulders, and blinks, and starts to lean away. He may be taller than Grigori now, stronger, younger. But that's still his father, a man who, for most of Ilya's life, was bigger and stronger than him. 

Oh my god, and then he brings up Ilya's mother. And we see Ilya's little eye bouncing again. He's trying to figure out if this is genuine confusion from his dad, or a trick to hurt him more. He has to do this balancing act of, Don't piss off dad and Make sure dad is Ok. 

Dissociation King.

They're talking about the Russian team's loss, and the minister is talking about the goalie being slow, and other players being out, and how it all lead to the loss. All the while, Grigori is nodding along, agreeing with him, and then he decides to turn the conversation around and say really the problem is leadership. Oh ok.

And then Svetlana comes and pulls Ilya out of it. Thank you Svetlana, we all say.

Oh god, I know an evil gay when I see one.

Svetlana is here to cut to the chase and also know everything.

"Your father is an asshole who would punish you either way. You need to stop giving a fuck what he thinks."

Oh, this is such a revealing line. We know already that Ilya uses his ego and reputation as a cover. But this line makes it obvious how much it's a cover, how much it isn't real. His father might be an asshole, but Ilya still cares about what he thinks. Still wants to make him proud. Even if Grigori makes that impossible.

Ilya is such a brick wall in this scene with Sacha. Not letting anything in. 

But even though he's saying no to Sacha and his many attempts to get Ilya to open up, he's still kind to him. He may be saying no, but it's with a gentle hand pushing away, soft words, "nice to see you, Sacha" as goodbye. He doesn't hate Sacha, or want to hurt him. He just simply doesn't want to deal with everything that being around Sacha means for him.

I love this tiny moment where Jackie says "What am I supposed to do with this?" And Shane says "I don't know, my mum told me to get wine."

Shane you are so precious to me, I love you. Again, he's in a situation he's never been in before and he leans on the reliance of what you're meant to do. Never show up empty handed. Bring wine. Even though they just had another baby (right? I can't remember).

One of my favourite shots of Ilya on the ice. Knocking into someone and immediately eating shit into the ice. lol.

I can't believe locker room speeches are a real thing that really happens. Girl, why are you screaming at me?

I know Marleau wanted that cookie real bad.

He's so Shanebug in this shot. 

"You hate Rozanov." "Of course."

Of course. Of course. What an answer. That feels so loaded to me. The hate is integral. It's obvious. It's built in. There's no stopping it. There's no other way. It's inevitable. Structural.

He's Shane Hollander. He loves hockey. He hates Ilya Rozanov. It all means the same. The Hate is part of The Hockey. It must be part of Shane. That's how it works.

And it's this other part too, when JJ says "That animal, shit show, cock sucking, Russian." They hate Rozanov. So he's a shit show. So he's a cock sucker. They hate him and so he's a cock sucker. A fag, whatever you wanna call it. They hate him so he is what you hate. It's all the same. 

And no one blinks an eye. It just is what it is.

He does so much with his eyes. All this going on around him and he can't look away from Ilya winning the cup. 

This, to me, is so representative of the difference Shane feels when he's with Ilya.

He spends all his time with his teammates. Hockey is his life, his career. These are his friends, he knows their wives, their kids. Everything. But he's sat here, surrounded by all of that and he's still othered. And they don't even know. The guy who he's supposed to hate, has been more accepting and gentle with him than the people who are meant to be his family. He's only spent a couple nights with Ilya, and whether he knows it or not, he's happier for Ilya winning than he is sad to lose to him.

"I was busy." "With who?" 

Why Shane, are you jealous?

Shane is so monotone, I love him.

Also Ilya, any time he has the opportunity to play nice with Shane in public, takes it and milks it as much as he can. He's up on that stage, showing us all 32 teeth, so happy to be this close to Shane in front of people.

Hand on the back of the neck is CRAZY.

This is even crazier. Last time they spoke to each other, Ilya basically told Shane to fuck off and now he's psychologically torturing Shane on stage with the bright lights in his face. No wonder Shane freaks the fuck out.

There is a great irony in the fact they're presenting Most Sportsman Like Player. I know that's the point, but still.

Shane's so overwhelmed by the fact that Ilya can still get to him. Even just from that little touch on stage. 

I love this little hesitation before he looks at Ilya. He's bracing for Ilya to be cold again, to be alone together and have Ilya deny him of what he wants. He's gonna have to see Ilya and want, desperately, but not get it.

Ilya Rozanov you are brave. You haven't spoken to this man since Russia, where you told him to go away and now you're here wanting to go back to how you were before. Ok. Sure.

And Shane basically says that to him. It all spills out of him in one. What the fuck, the last Shane knew, Ilya wanted him gone. He was mean and he said go away. It sounds juvenile written plainly. But the thing is, they don't hate each other. Everyone else might think that, but when they're alone, it's the only time they don't have to pretend. So yeah, What the fuck Ilya??

"I want you to suck my dick." 

And that is what he wants. He's saying, in his own stupid way, I want to go back to how it was before. I want you to stop pretending you don't want this too. 

And it's automatic, how Shane reacts, he says it without thinking, "You suck my dick." He doesn't really mean it, it's more him saying Fuck you, than anything else. But then Ilya, once again, sees through him. He hears what he's saying through all this anger, Why won't you give me what I want? He hears what he's not saying, Please give me what I can't ask for.

Ilya steps closer, gets in Shane's space, puts his hand on his face. He's finally giving Shane what he wants. And Shane just melts. Like he's been tense since Russia and only now can he finally unclench.

And again, even though Ilya's been an asshole constantly, Shane wants this so bad that he throws all that anger away instantly. 

They are so enamoured by each other, constantly pulled together by their need for one another.

I feel SICK. Shanebug I love you so much.

He's so relieved that they've gone back to normal. That's all either of them want. 

"And if you win?"

Shane basically offered himself up on a silver platter to Ilya. I think Shane likes that Ilya can see through him like no one else, I think sometimes Shane gets so caught up in who he's meant to be, that Ilya can see through his mask better than Shane even can. He's saying, You know how bad I want for this, you let me want. Please let me.

He's gone.

Ilya Rozanov you smug bastard.

I think this little stare into space, while Shane is folding his clothes as he undresses, is Ilya realising he's fucked. Shane doing this, folding his clothes, is so Shane, it's unlike anyone else. Nothing else is like this for Ilya. He finds this connection with no one else.

And he can't have this with Shane. Sure, they can fuck, but this thing, what Ilya has started wanting, they can never have. Most evidenced by all of tonight. The only reason they're both here is because the big joke is that they're near each other, the joke is that they would joke about liking each other. Not even that they do, but that they would joke about it. It's so ridiculous to people, it's so impossible. But Ilya still wants that. 

"What?" "It's a lot of windows."

I love this moment so much. Again, even when Ilya's trying to act stoic, he still humours Shane's anxieties. He knows that they are based in real, grounded fear.

This is a testament to how comfortable Ilya makes Shane feel. Even when he's asking Shane to do something outside of his comfort zone, he does it cause he knows Ilya wants it just as bad. 

"Do you wanna know how it feels? Holding the cup?"

He's such an asshole. Shane Hollander, you're a better man than me.

"I need you."

I think Shane is so blinded by shame in every other place, that Ilya's blatant desire for him allows him to actually know what he wants. He's never allowed to just outright say what he wants, that when he's with Ilya, even just getting to see Ilya's desires laid out plainly, is already so much closer then Shane normally allows himself to get to his own desire. It's so unlike anything else.

Ilya's been so guarded this whole time. Not closed off, but guarded. Bracing and distant. He has this big thing hanging over his head, going back to Russia for the summer, what that means, everything that's back there. 

And then Shane goes and brings it up, makes it real. "It's intense there." You're intense there. And Shane asks why he's going back, if he has to, as if it's all that easy. He asks if he even likes it there, as if that matters. As if it's ever mattered, what Ilya wants.

And Ilya says just that, "what difference does it make?" And all I can think about, is that every time they're together, that's all that Ilya cares about. What Shane wants. That shapes all of their interactions. Shane wants, so he gets. Shane doesn't like something, so Ilya fixes it.

Dissociation king once again. 

They're both so miserable again. OH MY GOD JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER. PLEASE!

I feel like, every time they meet up now, Ilya's waiting for Shane to call it off, to say, This is the last time or You'll never see me again once I leave. Like he's shown his true colours in Russia, it's now evident that he can be a disappointment for everyone no matter what country he's in, and now Shane will want nothing to do with him. 

This is where we see Shane texting again. It's such a great way to show how he's over thinking every interaction, and all the things he wants to say to Ilya. We didn't even kiss.

I feel like this whole episode, both of them feel like they are wanting for too much. That they can't give over to this desire to give themselves freely to each other. All these meet ups, it's the most they can get from each other, the closest they can get, all they're allowed. So they'll take what they can get, and hope the other doesn't reject them, deny them of this ability to be with someone, the only one, who knows them.

Fandom Culture & Heated Rivalry Episode 1 Deep Dive

Much like the rest of the internet, at least my queer corner of it, I have been obsessed with Heated Rivalry for the past few months. In January, I began my first rewatch of season one in its entirety, and this week have started another rewatch to finally consolidate my various feelings about this show. I will be writing a few of my thoughts about episode 1 in this post, but I also wanted to note my opinions about the blossoming fandom that has come from this show.

I started watching Heated Rivalry the day before the release of episode 5, when the show had been releasing weekly for a month already, so when it came to interacting with the fandom online, I was playing catch up. With the show reaching such a wide audience, I realized there have been a lot of people joining the fandom who have maybe never been in one before. Sometimes I forget that not everyone has been entrenched in fandom space forever, like I have (nearly 10 years online now, but I would say I've been a fangirl (gender neutral) my whole life, with my first obsession being Superman (1978) when I was maybe six).

Anyway, once I had watched all the released episodes at the time (4 of 6), I delved into the online fandom to see what everyone was saying about this show. It was all the usual stuff, and a lot of it, but the thing that kept coming up was people talking about the "mass psychosis" surrounding this show (example one, example two). Now, I know the internet, tiktok especially, loves to miss use medical terminology in the pursuit of new slang, but I had no idea what everyone was talking about. There was nothing in the show, or the fandom discussions online, that I would label as "psychosis", even the internet slang version of that word.

Listen, I've been in fandoms where the gay stuff has been barley there, or a bit of a stretch, or made up entirely through fandom invented subtext. I know that struggle, this show is not that. It only takes 7 minutes to get to soft launch gay stuff and 13 minutes to get to no-way-around-it, definitely queer, no argument, gay stuff. So I was confused by what people were saying about the "mass psychosis" this fandom was experiencing, it couldn't be the whole gayness of the show or characters, cause it's so blatantly there and integral to the plot, it's certainly not made up.

So you wouldn't believe my surprise, when I finally figure out that the "psychosis" everyone keeps blabbering about is just... people being overly obsessed with the show. Oh. Right. Right. Again, I forget that people enjoy things to a normal degree most of the time. Even then, what's the psychosis part of it? That it's good? That it's good enough to be obsessed with? Maybe I'm getting too bogged down by the logistics of people blatantly misusing medical terms, but I still don't get it. I also can't overlook the obvious misogyny of labelling a group, majority in it being women, as going through psychosis for simply showing enthusiasm.

All of this to say, I forgot how much the general populous does not engage with fandom culture at all, and I guess the enormous success of this show has pushed fandom into the spotlight for the "normal people" to see. I am once again surprised how little it takes for something or someone to be labelled as weird.

Before proceeding any further, I do want to state that everything moving forward is my own understanding and interpretation of the characters. Though I do spend a lot of my time listening to other people's breakdowns of the show, I do pick and choose what I integrate into my own personal Canon of the show. My Bible Heated Rivalry Lore is an amalgamation of my comprehension of the show, my favourite fandom head cannons, as well as things that the actors and director have said (And no I have not read the books, I'm sorry >.<). So if I got anything wrong in this break down, no I didn't and it was an intentional choice :)

Anyway, onto the episode deep dive!

Episode 1: Rookies

First thing I want to say is big shout out to the costume department. I really like that they are basically wearing the same outfit here. Plain hoodie, plain beanie, black coat, slightly different but the same none the less. And they are such boring outfits, you know, cause they're 17 year old athlete boys in 2008.

I also love how fucking awkward the dialogue in this scene is. They both clearly have no idea what the other is trying to do. One thing I have really enjoyed since the beginning, is how natural the dialogue feels. At least to me. I've seen some people say it's corny but... It's a romance, its gonna be corny sometimes. I don't hear it at all but I think that's cause I fell in love with these characters just as fast as they fell in love with each other. So.

This is a great intro to these boys. Ilya is immediately identified as an asshole. He says only 16 clipped words to Shane's nervous 44. He's frowning and side eyeing Shane the whole time, and Shane, in all of his earnestness, is so obviously nervous to introduce himself. In response, Ilya is confused by him, clearly used to more hostile interactions with opposing players, acting standoffish in anticipation of mind games. I know who these characters are already.

In my first watch of this show, I instantly identified Shane for what he is. Gay. No, lol. I already knew that. Autistic. Hudson Williams has spoken a little about this in some interviews, not enough in my opinion, but he integrates it into the way he plays Shane wonderfully. Even in just this scene alone, I felt it through the screen. The handshaking, the way he introduces himself. I can see the way he scripted this introduction in his head.

In just 1 minute and 40 seconds I love them already.

Love these parallel shots. It sets up how similar their positions are, why they would find this connection with each other.

I also appreciate the little detail in this montage that Ilya is already captain of his team, while Shane is not. Despite what we just saw of these two, Ilya seems to be more sociable, knows how to read people, more able to lead in the sport that they share. This is then vocalized by the voice over of the commentators calling Shane "not the most sociable" and that Ilya is known to "really gets under other players skins". 

(I'm actually not sure about this from a costuming perspective, cause in the team training scenes in this montage, Shane doesn't have a C on his jersey, but he does in the handshake line right after the game they play. But they use the same jerseys for another handshake line after a different game in 2010 later on in the episode, so I can see them filming these right after one another, and the C either being missed when it's not meant to be there or forgotten in the training scenes)

This show is good at moving fast. First scene, our introduction to the main characters and their dynamic with each other. Then, immediate montage establishing their positions and reputations within their sport. Next, this scene, displaying their relationship with each of their direct family. Shane is being supported by his mum and dad, literally surrounding him with support. One of the first things you hear Yuna say is that she's the "world's biggest Metros fan".

Ilya has his father, who decides, upon being congratulated, that the first thing he is going to say about his son is that he "needs discipline". His First Draft Pick son needs discipline, apparently. The next thing he says is "You listen. Don't speak". Right.

The push and pull of this scene is wonderful.

Ilya is once again being an asshole. But it's shifted, it's more fun teasing, as opposed to apprehensiveness and detachment. He's decided he likes Shane. Wants his opinion on Boston and Montreal. The teams they're joining. The cities.

Shane's as earnest as ever, and equally as oblivious to Ilya's teasing at first. He answers Ilya's questions as seriously as if his dad was asking him.

It's in the non verbal communication, the looks, their bodies, that Shane realizes what this is. What is between them.

The music in this scene works perfectly. Rises with the tension and falls away in the quieter moments. When they're on the bikes and later on the floor, it rises to highlight when the silence between them is more telling than the words they pass back and forth. 

I think this scene is the first time we see the real Shane and Ilya. Every scene before this has been our introduction to Shane Hollander™ and Ilya Rozanov™. This is them behind closed doors. Who they could be when no one's looking, when they are together. When they can be themselves with someone who knows what they are.

We get two phone calls in this scene. It opens with Ilya getting an incoming call from his father, which he rejects. He doesn't get a second to breathe before he gets another call. This time from Alexei, his brother. He sees the incoming call, he's not even answered yet and he's visibly nervous, fidgeting already. His brother is crass with him, aloof and cocky, similar to how we've seen Ilya act in previous scenes, but with an added harshness that comes with knowing a person's weak spots and using that against them. It takes less than 40 seconds for him to call Ilya a faggot. It doesn't matter if Alexei knows or not, it's still thrown around like it means nothing. They argue, but Ilya is monotone. He's even more closed off on the following call with his father.

Ilya is so much quieter during these phone calls. Quiet. Small. Sorry. Saying sorry to his father, sending money to his brother. Giving. Only giving. Not how he is in other scenes.

The one things that shines through in this scene to me (literally), watching it back, is the gold of Ilya's cross in this dark hotel room. We've seen his father, now his brother too. Obviously it's hindsight, cause we only learn this later, but it's like this big glaring hole that's been punched straight through the film roll of the scene, where his mother should be. The glaring absence in his support system. 

Now, they've both won a game against each other. It's even ground between them.

Hi Jacob Tierney, I see you.

Again I love how awkward this dumb ass photoshoot is. And Ilya's cracked out his best line yet, "You look pretty". Straight to the point. They're so close to each other and doing this dumb ass face off thing. No wonder they laugh. I love it. 

I like that we can see that, despite what we are told later on, this rivalry was never real. They have no real reason to hate one another. And with how similar their lives are, of course even a tiny sliver of forced proximity is gonna get them creating a bond.

They are just babies here, they don't even know what they mean to each other yet.

"They tell me nothing. Was my idea."

And there it is, folks. Ilya planned it all. I see through you and your tough exterior, I know you're a fake IDGAFer, I caught you caring deeply for your fellow hockey boy.

And, he brought it up. He deliberately asked Shane about when he was told about doing the commercial with someone else, which gave him an in to casually mention that he coordinated this whole thing. He wants Shane to know that he wanted to see him again.

This scene is just so fab. It highlights how much of Shane's life is out of his control. I mean, for fuck sake, he can't even decide what shoes he can wear.

Shane has to be perfect, his reputation, his hockey, it all has to be perfect and stay perfect. God forbid his reputation isn't squeaky clean.

Yuna lays it out: you are not like them, you are different, you have to be perfect or you're cut out. And everything Shane is thinking, it's all there on his face; she doesn't even know the half of it.

And finally, here we are. 13 minutes in and we've hit unequivocally queer status. 

God, they are so captivated by one another. It's like. They live such busy lives and they see so little of each other, especially this early on. But they are spiralling around each other, magnetized. Each interaction is enthralling enough that it feels like they are constantly showing up in each others lives.

We get the first instance of Shane's overused "Fuck off" in this scene. This, again, feels like a manifestation of Shane's reliance on scripting to socialize. Whenever he seems caught off guard, or encounters something he hasn't before, he often uses it as a deflection. But I think here, Ilya sees it for what it is. Not rejection, but insecurity. Shane's never encountered someone like Ilya before, or more importantly, the way Shane reacts to him. 

Shane says "Not here". Again, not rejection.

I think part of what makes Ilya so enticing to Shane is the fact that, even though he barely knows him, Ilya can see through Shane in a way that is unlike anyone else in his life. Everyone else will smooth past Shane's wants and needs because he's a polite, nice, Canadian boy who says please and thank you. Who is good at hockey and smiles for the camera. But Ilya sees him for what he is. And for who he is. And, he can see someone with wants and desires that aren't perfect or proper. They are greedy and flawed and ugly. Things you're not meant to want.

I think it's because Ilya knows, even if you're someone who is good at something, great at something, you are still human. They are alone in this category, Ilya is the only one who could know the inside of Shane like this.

Shane essentially tells Ilya to forget about all that's just happened, in the shower scene. And Ilya decides he's not gonna let Shane get away with pretending he doesn't want. And Shane wants whatever this is so bad that when Ilya pushes back, he can do nothing but want for more.

"I might open." "I might knock."

With that, Ilya tells him he wants the same ways that Shane wants: So strongly they can do nothing but spin closer and closer towards each other.

Once again, Shane is in a situation he's never been in before. How do you get ready for a hotel hook up? Put on a suit I guess? It's crazy, I can see so clearly his train of thought. It's exactly the kinda thing I would do.

He's so nervous he doesn't know what to do with himself. It's so endearing.

I know Yuna thought about this so much later down the line.

"This is such a bad idea."

I love this. I think Shane Hollander™ has crept up on him and reminded Shane that he's meant to be this perfect version of himself. He has to be. To have this life he wants. To have hockey. Even in his own hotel room, with someone who knows, he still can't want something that doesn't fit into that life. 

But even so, he's still wanting. Letting Ilya move closer.

The moment Ilya shows he wants this just as bad, moans right into Shane's mouth, Shane allows himself to want something from this interaction just as bad. He escalates, by prompting Ilya to take off his jacket. Taking for once. Wanting.

They are both so entirely distracted by each other in this scene. They both can't stop looking at each other. 

Ilya hesitates before telling Shane about his "Coach's son back in Russia". He might be more confident, but this part of him is still intimate. He's being open with Shane in more ways than one.

Shane asks if he was scared of getting caught, holding up a mirror and verbalising his own fears about this. 

They cannot stop touching each other, it's crazy. 

Again, I think at the beginning Ilya isn't trying to hide that fact that he likes Shane, is attracted, curious about who he is. Likes his earnestness, his restraint, how much he is not like Ilya. What is expected of them is so different. Who they are expected to be.

I think their Rivalry can best be described as an inside joke that is only between Shane and Ilya, but everyone else thinks they're in on it and knows what's going on. 

Shane and his emotional support blue dress shirt.

Again, we're talking about sponsorships.

Rolex says "He's smart, he's serious, he's handsome." That's it. That's all he can be. A talented face to slap a brand on. Someone who is easy to look at and doesn't say anything that could reflect off the brand poorly. Squeaky clean.

Shane, going though the universal experience of thinking, I'm not gonna come out right now but if I did, I could make the perfect joke.

"Shane Hollander, will you disappoint them?"

That's what it's all about, isn't it? Disappointment. The omnipresent them. Whoever they are. Everyone. Anyone.

Ilya Rozanov, are you watching Shane Hollander interviews alone in your hotel room? Right. Hm.

Another call from Alexei. Money again. Giving again.

Talking with Alexei about this is going nowhere. Ilya asks about their father, Alexei still brushes him off. As monotone as he always is when talking to or about family, he says his father asked him to bring home bread last time he called, bringing up that something is wrong with him, while still talking around it. Alexei passes it all off, "well he is stupid". Neither look convinced. If Ilya pushed back against Alexei he would be admitting that something is wrong. So that's the end of it.

Side by side once again, but still somehow pitted against each other. Ilya is obviously struggling with the English questions here, using his reputation as a mask. Giving one word answers that come off as self assured and cocky.

One of my favourite things we see in this scene, is Ilya's little analysing eyes. He does this horizontal eye bounce thing, flicking his eyes left to right, right to left very quickly, when he's trying to figure something or someone out. We see it more later on, in moments where he's more unsure of himself, in moments where maybe he's freaking out a little bit.

Shane sees straight through him. He's nervous. Out of his depth. And because they aren't really rivals, he jumps in and answers first. He's got his PR approved answer ready and he delivers it evenly. He's got his Shane Hollander™ face on. Ilya Rozanov™ follows his lead.

They cannot keep their eyes off each other. Constantly tracking. The moment Shane is close enough, Ilya is chatting his ear off, saying anything to get his attention.

"Good job." He just beat your record which you just set.

Shane cracks one mediocre joke and Ilya immediately decides he needs Shane alone again. 

Shane pushes into Ilya's hotel room ready to be angry and reminds Ilya that this is a bad idea and that they could find out. 

He gets one look at Ilya and it all melts away. They both want this so bad that this constant audience watching over their lives disappears when they get alone together. Then, all they can see is each other.

"Have you ever? Do you want to?"

And Shane doesn't answer. He knows Ilya sees right through him when he lies, so what's the point? But Ilya is suggesting something new. Something more, and Shane can't admit he wants this with Ilya too.

Ilya mentions next time like it's nothing. He knows what he wants and he's not missing an opportunity to get it. They play against each other again in two weeks. Obviously they're gonna see each other.

Jane and Lily you will always be famous!

Even this early on, Ilya is visibly on edge about not being able to see Shane. Even this early on, when his flight is cancelled, it's Shane he's thinking about, not hockey. This is not something he can fix by going and fucking someone else. Shane, already, has become irreplaceable in Ilya's life.

Again we can see how Shane doesn't socialise as much with his team. We just saw Marleau teasing Ilya in a way that shows he obviously knows him well enough to know Ilya's probably not fretting over a missed hockey game. 

But Hayden is inviting Shane to his house cause his wife wants to be the first WAG to cook for him. Shane's never been over to a team mates house. Hayden's inviting him to his house for the first time. Hayden doesn't know about Shane's weird diet. Hayden doesn't know anything.

Svetlana I love you and I've loved you from the beginning. 

I find it crazy that some people watched this scene and thought Svetlana was Ilya's girlfriend when she literally sees him text who she thinks is another girl right in front of her.

Shane wins rookie of the year. Hell yeah. There's this big scene where everyone's cheering him and then it immediately cuts to him stood alone at the bar. Again, he's inside of this big social event but not really participating in it.

Don't worry Shane, I also hate parties and big groups of people. 

"Where's your boy Rozanov?"

Scott Hunter, accidentally setting off the homo alarm in Shane's brain. Gay on gay crime.

Shane is once again at the bar on his own. He looks around. He sees his dad talking with a party goer, his mum doing the same. He doesn't wanna talk to these people. He doesn't want to have to be Shane Hollander™. 

Where is he? Where's Ilya?

He's found him, up on the roof. All alone too.

Ilya laughs about Shane being drunk, mentions Shane winning the ROTY. Shane deflects his complement, Ilya doesn't let Shane run away from his greatness. Shane takes his flat response as rejection.

He thinks he's seeing Ilya Rozanov™ right now. He doesn't want to have to be Shane Hollander™ right now.

I often don't like the miscommunication trope in anything but especially romance. Often because the "miscommunication" comes from the characters just not talking to each other at all.

But here, I can see exactly why they misunderstood one another. I can hear what each of them is trying to say and what the other interprets that as. 

Once again, even when they're moving away from each, with the touch of a hand they are swinging back around and smacking into each other once again. 

And then Shane snaps back into reality. 

"No one is looking." "You don't know that."

Cause someone is always looking. Someone. Anyone.

Recent Creations November 25 - March 26

Here are a few of my latest experiments, I wasn't able to properly scan most of these as they were made as last minute birthday cards that needed to be sent ASAP, but oh well. Something about a grid has really been calling me recently, it's just such a fun way to plot out drawings and shapes (blame my gridded journals, idk). I also love the look of filet crochet and lace, and wanted to make my own paper versions of that. All hand-drawn/ hand-cut ♡

Year of the Horse, 01/03/26

Adapted Dragon, 23/02/26

Rabbit, 08/11/25

Doily, 18/02/26